Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 10:57 am
Last night on Top Gear the Vauxhall Holden Monaro was deemed deeply desirable. A 5.7l V8, rear-wheel-drive muscle car, coming out in the UK for around £33K ... It was doing 60 at 1500 revs ... I've driven cars that would stall trying to do any speed at revs that low ...

Not ideal for town driving, admittedly, but for petrol-heads living in the city, who only drive when they've got long distances to cover ... (They also liked the S-Type R, but it cost about 10K more. The evil Chrysler 300C Hemi was judged a near miss, due to poor ride and iffy brakes.)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:17 am (UTC)
Australian cars tend to be identical to their British counterparts, but with twice the engine capacity. Coincidentally, petrol costs approximately half as much.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:19 am (UTC)
You have to admit, it was a pretty car. (Yes, I know, that's a girly thing to say).

Clarkson ate his own hair. Rar!
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:56 am (UTC)
[grin] It was pretty (in a streamlined, slightly brutish way). Then again, I also liked the threatening nature of the 300C, and I still quite like the S-Type (from any angle but the back).
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:12 am (UTC)
13.6l and 1000bhp - that was a fighter plane in the 30s ;)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:14 am (UTC)
Want. One. Now.

Then again, I quite liked the "New Edge" concept Lincoln - all sharp edges and shiny blackness.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 05:09 am (UTC)
Yeah, I was very disappointed when the Ford Five Hundred - which I thought would take cues from that - turned out to be a clone of the VW Passat with a Mondeo grille on it ;)

All the good looking cars seem to be coming from the States these days though, Euroboxes (supercars apart) are all so bland! It's amazing what a bit of American excess does to the girly-looking Merc SLK, f'rinstance - there's a Chrysler Crossfire in the car park next to our offices and it looks like it's doing 120 standing still!


Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 05:14 am (UTC)
[grin] I nearly got splashed by a Crossfire that was merely parked in a puddle. I will freely admit that I rather like much of the Chrysler output.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:21 am (UTC)
*gasp*

Need.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 12:36 pm (UTC)
Brute of a car. I like :-)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:33 am (UTC)
I saw that yesterday. Ye gods Monaros have come a long way - they used to be the haven of the boy racer, fluffy dice and everything, much like the Capri here. Now they actually look like real grown-up cars.

I'd still rather have an HSV though, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 05:00 pm (UTC)
Seconded on the HSV. And I see them every day here. I am very tempted to get one... Must.Resist.Temptation!!! But oh gods, what a car.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:44 am (UTC)
The current Monaro's also sold in the States as a Pontiac GTO, I think.


Back in t'owd days - about 30 years ago - there were some really heavy duty pieces of kit from Oz. The Great Race down there was the Bathurst 500, a mad saloon car race around the side of a ruddy great mountain in NSW. The circuit is something like a cross between a goat-track and a roller-coaster, with all sorts of crests, blind bends, sudden drops and the odd implausibly long straight - it's quick and bloody frightening to watch races from there!

Holden and Ford both wanted to win it, because it was the key to a big sector of the market - and 'cos it was run to production-based saloon car they had to sell some pretty outlandish kit to homologate it for racing.

Ford concentrated on the Falcon, which was about the size of a Granada here, but had a range of wacky engines up to a 350ci (5.7l) full-blooded Mustang-based V8. This was a genuine 150mph four-door family saloon, when you think that your average Eurobox was barely good for the ton at that point..... there's a wonderful early-70s pic of one of them hurtling through the outback at an obscene speed, a great image of Aussie motoring.

Holden's answer to this was the Torana XU-1, which was effectively a Vauxhall Viva HB (call it 1200cc in Britain!) with a ruddy great 3.3l straight-six in it, the thinking being that a slightly smaller and nimbler car than the Falcon might be the thing to have round the Mountain...

in time of course the Torana grew up and got a slightly bigger body.... and a 5.7 V8 ;)

Aussie touring car racing is still mad, five-litre Ford Falcons vs Holden Commodores, driver rivalries that have been running for 30-odd years, and plenty of paint-trading.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:51 am (UTC)
[FX: happy petrol-headed grin]

Such footage I've seen from Mt. Panorama just pisses on any UK racing. (With the possible exception of Irish rallying)

I vaguely recall that there was a SA version of the Grandad with a V8 motor. One of those would be fun to keep.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:56 am (UTC)
There were even Sierra and Capri V8s from Seeth Efrica.

The Beeb used to show Bathurst every year in the 80s (for a while the Europeans went there regularly, so as well as the Aussie heavy metal there were works BMW 635s and Tom Walkinshaw's Jag XJSs, weird stuff like Eggenberger's turbo Volvo 240s (imagine a Vogon Constructor Ship on wheels...) and then the RS500s...) but there were so many baccy ads around the circuit, on the cars, painted on the dashboards, and even scrolling around the screen, that they stopped. Bloody brilliant, especially with the hysterically funny local commentary.

They showed it a couple of times when the Aussies were trying Super Touring for a couple of years, but whingeing little 2l repmobiles didn't look right round the mountain!
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:04 am (UTC)
The Australian Falcon from 1979 to 1986 was pretty much based on the UK Granada. Except with twice the engine, of course.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 05:39 pm (UTC)
When did you turn into a petrolhead???????
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 11:41 pm (UTC)
One picks these things up by osmosis. You know that!
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:53 am (UTC)
I love the idea of the homolgation special. You're driving a car which is sold only in order that a similar car is legal to race and the cars are only raced for marketting opportunities in order that you will buy their cars. It's definitely one of those moments where you wonder what is going on.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:01 am (UTC)
Yep, it's an ace idea. Petrolhead shall design nutter car purely for other petrolheads to buy because petrolheads want to buy petrolhead cars ;)

(When are Rover going to find a use for that V8-powered RWD version of the 75? :)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:01 am (UTC)
It's 'cos the one they're marketing is the cheap version but with the huge fuckoff engine. They can make a profit nicely on those, even if not on the homologation run.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:14 am (UTC)
*grin* Oh, I understand the economics -- it's the chain of events that drives it. "Wait, so what you're saying is that my car only exists in order to make your advertising car race legal."
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:04 am (UTC)
[grin] Hence cars like the Pulsar GTiR ... a truly gratuitous family hatchback (as Rich Russell referred to it when he had one, before he traded up for a grey-market, light-speed capable Legacy)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 03:59 am (UTC)
[grin] OK, that sounds more like real racing to me! None of this namby-pamby stuff.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:00 am (UTC)
Of course, for Australian driving you need an engine like that - to outrun the Sydney taxi drivers. (I found a Cortina with a 4.1 litre engine was up to the task.) You NEED to leave the lights before those fuckers. Melbourne is so much more sedate.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:22 am (UTC)
*blinks* Melbourne? Sedate?!?

In Melbourne I was nearly run over by trams and had people in the left lane turning right directly in front of me! Melbourne is full of insane drivers. I was lucky to make it out alive.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:27 am (UTC)
Hook turns are perfectly sensible if you approach them with a geeky mindset!

But you must admit, they're not insane on the level of Sydney taxi drivers.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:44 am (UTC)
I learnt to drive in Sydney, around Sydney's taxi drivers (who are, admittedly insane, but not on the level of London taxi drivers). I wouldn't drive in Melbourne again unless it was in a Hummer.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 05:10 pm (UTC)
*blinks* Melbourne? Sedate?!?
Thats what I was thinking.... I mean, they have box turns FFS!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:06 am (UTC)
The nutter car is still alive and well and living in America.

The Cadillac CTS-V is a pretty serious piece of kit - it's done so well in the local version of touring-car racing in the States (against Audis and BMWs and the like) that they're forcing it into GTs next year to compete with the likes of the Corvette and the Porsche 911. Which it'll probably beat.

And the Mercury Marauder (only available in black) combines crap 70s American car barge-like handling with entirely too much power: 300+ bhp as standard (call it the thick end of 500 by the time you've put a supercharger in) -- leaves a trail of burning rubber and soiled pants behind it everywhere it goes and looks splendidly sinister. Too deadly to even think about competing with. ;)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:11 am (UTC)
The CTS-V is straight out of any Cyberpunk milieu. I'd like one. [grin] But the Marauder just looks so humdrum. One of the things I like about the true muscle cars of the late 60s and early 70s was the fact that so many of them looked evil (as well as sounding like it and generally cornering so badly they would take your soul to hell at the first bend).
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:14 am (UTC)
Yeah.... I know exactly where you're coming from there ;)

The wildest were from the era when NASCAR allowed wings - some really weird stuff got out on the road, like the Plymouth Superbird....



Note - this has not been Barried up - that's how it left the factory ;)
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:20 am (UTC)
I always liked the way that the Superbird noses never fit properly!

Still like the Charger R/S covered lamps, though ... but then I suspect that chunky and brutish is more my style than those streamlined ones.
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 04:20 am (UTC)
generally cornering so badly

I love the line from Fawlty Towers "Was the motorway not wide enough for you? Many of the English cars have steering wheels."
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 06:08 am (UTC)
They actualy reviewed it a couple of series back in it's original Aussie incarnation and Clarkson said then that it was one of his favorite ever cars. Comfy, spacious, nice looking, goes like a rocket and not too expensive. What more could you ask for?

Of course the odds of my ever being allowed to own one are vanishingly small, Laurelei is already dubious of me in the 2.5l V6 Mondeo. In fact oddly enough I probably have more chance of getting a TVR Tuscan (assuming I ever have any money for such things), as Laurelei thinks they look wonderfull (which they do).
Tuesday, October 26th, 2004 05:58 pm (UTC)
The Monaro was originally introduced in 1968 as "Australia's first muscle car". I always thought the side vents were like shark gills :-)

The 1968 Holdens were "HK" whether they were Monaro, Premier or Special. In 1992, when I was with my first husband, we bought a HK Special for $50 that still ran and had a red engine (better than the greys). But the floor pan was rusted out (common in old Holdens) and so it stayed on the front lawn until we separated and I arranged for it to be towed away *sob*

In Australia you're either a Holden Person or a Ford Person - on top of all the other friction between my first hubby and I was that he was a Ford Person and I was a Holden Person ;-)
Wednesday, October 27th, 2004 02:54 am (UTC)
I forgot to mention last night that the HK Special was only 6 cylinders not 8, and according to this was actually called a Kingswood, not Special, but I don't remember it having a Kingswood badge.

In Australia there was a popular comedy series in the 70s called Kingswood Country about a dysfunctional family in the 'burbs, a precursor to Kath and Kim, but sillier. At that time, the Kingswood, like Ford's Falcon, was *the* Dad car. The father would exclaim "not the Kingswood!" when anybody wanted to borrow it, and it became an Australian catchphrase :-)

It may have only cost AU $50, and because I was on my Ls and it was unroadworthy I only drove it up and down the driveway, but the HK was the only car I've every had, and I miss it!