dancefloorlandmine | [Poll] Streetdate

My clarification to the "tried to chat you up reaction" is I've not always ignored. I have been chatted up on the street or when waiting for a bus/train and I am polite but cold to those attempting to get my number or a date. Especially since I am happily married and not looking elsewhere!

I do talk to people sometimes in pubs or on transport to be friendly, but never anything more than that.

I'm a big fan of chatting to complete strangers on trains - it's like a therapy - either or both of you spill your absolute deepest darkest secrets/issues/problems then get off the train and never see them again, often without even knowing thier name.

You haven't given all the possible options so I went for the nearest ones.

1. I ticked ignored, though not strictly ignored, or more I ignored him, because after chatting for 10 minutes I went off him!

I've got a couple of phone numbers in the past, neither went anywhere.

2. I ticked "more" because although it wasn't a romantic encounter I have met one of my closest friends in the world randomly. He said initially he aimed to chat me up, but realised we're utterly uncompatible - I'm really glad he tried though!

[grin]

I have to admit that after unleashing the poll, it might have been a bit too restrictive. But that's always the way ... [sigh]

I've been chatted up in various random places. Sometimes it's been fine, with either numbers exchanged or a polite "thanks but no thanks" uttered. The one occasion where I slapped someone was when I lived in Hackney, this one chap had asked me for my number and a date a few times in the week or two leading up to it, for some reason he thought trying to cop a feel of my boobs was a good idea. He didn't bother me again after that.

As for random chatting, it happens all the time. Not so much when I was living in London, but in Greece I have random (and some times very personal) discussions all the time, as in, pretty much every other time I go out.

for some reason he thought trying to cop a feel of my boobs was a good idea
WTF? I mean, they're nice boobs, but random feel copping? Go you for response!

I found those results quite interesting - especially #3, it's interesting how many more women are hit on in non social situations, (despite the answer to #1 showing that equal numbers of males and females have initiated a conversation)

I've also had 2 marriage proposals in non-social situations. One was a foreign guy in a cafe, he sat next to me and next thing I know he was wanting to marry me - though I suspect he was after a citizenship. It was surreal, but the following me after I ran out bit was scary. The second was a client who asked me to marry him in Court (not what I'd call social!).

the following me after I ran out bit was scary
Err, yes.

who asked me to marry him in Court (not what I'd call social!)
[snork]

I've been followed to the door of my house a couple of times - was very glad I had a tall male housemate at home on those occasions!

(I clearly look fertile and suitable marriage material to Turkish men - it's almost always Turkish men.)

Yes, that is good :) I was saved by the bus back to mine starting to pull out and being able to leap on the back!

I can't remember where this guy was from, I think it was somewhere in Eastern Europe before it joined the EU, but I've heard a lot about Turkish men, it does seem to be a bit of a problem. My b/f's sister has a place in Turkey and as soon as men realise she's British they're all over her.

It's because they know British women are hot. Or something. Maybe. [grin]

I absolutely hate it when people do this on the street. As long as they have the good grace to quickly realise that I'm not interested and that they're actually annoying me because I'm trying to get somewhere else and they're impeding my progress, then I try to be as polite as possible. But it doesn't take long before I get less polite.

The last guy who did it caught me on a morning when I wasn't feeling too happy anyway. I was on Tottenham Ct Road on my way to he gym one Saturday, and he stopped and said hello. I said hello and walked round him - or tried to - and the bastard jumped back in front of me to try to force me to stop for him. When I tried to walk round him he did a faux jokey goalkeeper jumping from side to side thing to stop me. I fucking exploded and told him to go away. He said 'But I like you!' as if this should make me suddenly like him. 'Well, I hate you,' I yelled back. And again, as I finally managed to get round him: 'but I like you!' 'JUST FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!' I daintily rejoindered.

Truth to tell, the level of rudeness here was unusual for me, but I feel perfectly justified. It was simply years and years of pent-up utter rage coming out about people doing this. If they take a refusal qickly, it's OK. It's when they don't and start walking after you speaking such blatantly medacious platitudes as 'I'm just being friendly!' or 'I just want to know your name/phone number' that it really fucking ruins my day and makes me want to gouge their eyes out. I went through a phase of offering people a quick kiss if they'd only leave me alone, but that failed more often than it worked, obviously. The only solution if people don't take 'no' as an answer first time round is rudeness. And then, of course, they'll get all indignant about that too. Can't fucking win.

But then, maybe some people like being chatted up randomly, and I guess it must work sometimes or people wouldn't do it. However, here's my advice if anyone's thinking of trying it: proceed with extreme caution.

Indeed :-)

My usual tactic varies from coldly ignoring them to being incredibly rude - and I once hit someone really quite hard in the nose - but I also once shagged one of them. So, you know.

Yes, I know. Hee hee. :o)

By the way...Joyeux Anniversaire!

No longer a teenager, eh? Oh dear... ;oP

I am a natural socialite when I am well.
I find people fascinating.
However, it has got me into trouble on occasion as I do not mean to be flirtatious given that I have a long term partner and stuff...but I can't resist getting to know a stranger!

I hate it when men try to chat me up in the street. The only reasons I don't punch/slap is that (a) it's illegal and (b) violence as a response to words is nearly always unreasonable. So I ignore or I shout and then check to make sure I'm not being followed once I've walked off.

Talking to people in the street is wholly un British, unless you're asking for the time/directions etc. I like standard British reserve in this sense and think trying to chat people up who are walking along the street is prima facie fucking rude.

UN BRitish top talk to people in the street?

thats a load of old crock based on living in the city.

TIs quite normal to address people you dont know in the countryside.

Course its probably more because very often people havent actually seen anyone else for days.

and yuor as likely to be having dogs set on you as chated up.

*thinks*

THe issue is not actually being chated up or approached i the street is it.... its having it done in a pushy way.... or in an incorrect manner..

TIs quite normal to address people you dont know in the countryside.
Yes, but it's usually "Get orf my lahnnnnnnnnnnd!" [giggle]

Yes ... but not for over twenty years. I did it a couple of times when I was a BR-sponsored student, and travelling around a lot on trains.

I still strike up conversations these days, but with the motive of having a conversation, nothing more.

While my answer to question three was no, the real answer should be "not that I've noticed". I've always been notoriously bad at noticing when I'm being chatted up. One memorable occasion *cough*mumble* years ago at a party I was trying to chat up the host (already a friend of mine). At the same time he was trying to chat me up. Both of us failed, thinking the other wasn't interested. I ended up going out with his housemate for a few months.

(Happy ending: two or three years later, still being friends, we did get together. And *umpty*mumble* years on from that, are still together...)

And *umpty*mumble* years on from that, are still together...
Huzzah!

When I was last living in Bristol, there were a couple of occasions when I was starting the walk home from the Pink Triangle (although given that the three venues were on the same road, it's somewhat scalene) and a black gentleman would accost me politely in the street. It's almost as though they didn't like talking to people in pubs, but making a move in the street was fine!

I was flattered but not interested in both cases, and they went away...

Manny many years (probably about 30 and in the old hippy days..) ago I fell deeply and instantly in love in the street with a guy (as I used to do every week) and stopped him immediately with good though temporary results. I also met someone hitchhiking once and we went out for a while he was hitching in the same general direction as me :) plus various trains buses etc.. This random behaviour of mine I have since stopped :) I usually initiated these instants.. I used to have a deep aversion to being chatted up but loved doing it myself. I still love chatting people up and also like chatting to random people in queues .. on trains, anywhere really though now its totally innocent!

I ticked 'ignored' when what the guy actually got was a mumbled 'no' and me running for the hills! To be fair, I was 14 and he was ... older. We were both walking dogs. He talked dogs for a bit, then asked me if I was married (?), then if I was 'courting'. Courting! At this point I twigged and ... kinda legged it!

There may have been instances other than this but this is the one that sticks in my memory.

People are too afraid of me. Or I'm too afraid of them. Which is bizarre as when there's no nookie on the table I'm quite happy to be sociable. And if we grow to like each-other then vunderbah.

Mine was a joint chatting up. I noticed a bloke, he noticed me, friends pushed us together and forced us to talk.

The last time I chatted to a stranger outside of a social situation was at Tropical World on my birthday but I've also gotten to know people who I often stand at the same bus stop with.

Outside of social situations I'm generally either invisible or chosen as a target of random insults (usually about my weight, and usually from women or yobs trying to look tough in front of their mates)... I've never been able to catch anyone's eye long enough to even attempt to chat them up.

I quite regularly get chatted up in the street around South London, normally by West Indian guys. I think it's a cultural thing. They're generally quite good about taking a polite, "Thanks, but no thanks!" for an answer.

I suspect I'm more talkative than a lot of Londoners - growing up in a small village in the North East it was much more normal to talk to random people because everyone sort of knew each other anyway. So I will exchange pleasantries about the weather with strangers at bus stops etc quite happily.

As for chatting someone up, no - though that doesn't stop me staring openmouthed at some jaw-droppingly gorgeous creature that's crossed my path.

Ooh! Ooh! Random day actual event relevance! Here we go: I'm just in, back from a pub quiz, and about 20 mins ago was coming up the escalator at Blackhorse Road station, and as I got nearly to the top...I felt a hand running up my arse. I turned round and saw a shy-looking guy behind me and said "what was that about?!!!"

"Ooh, sorry" (shy smiliness)

"No - seriously! What was that about?!! Have you had a night out or something?" (code for "are you pissed as a fart, my friend?")

"Ooh sorry..." (smiley smiley, hand shyly in front of face...)

"Look, mate...you really need to be careful, you know? I'm just saying...be a bit more careful, yeah?"

And off I walked home. I thought immediately of this post, of course.

Tch. I think it's good to point out to my male friends that this sort of thing happens probably more often than you all think, simply because men will never do it when a woman is with a man, whether partner or friend ...which means you don't see it happening to your female friends. Just sayin'...

Random day actual event relevance!
[grin]

I have no idea in which universe a shy smile is the excuse for a random grope. He's very lucky you're such a gentle soul.

Well, indeed. Like I said earlier, the guy on Tottenham Ct Road caught me on a bad day. But then...what on Earth does one do?

Anyway, we won the pub quiz, so I was in a good mood anyway, you see. :o)

I was thinking about how to explain the general annoyance of someone otherwise polite having a go, and it brought to mind chuggers. Imagine if, when chuggers were asking for a direct debit, you feared they might mug you and steal all your money, or even follow you home and beat the crap out of you for some cash, or not even beat the crap out of you but simply keep asking you for cash wherever you went, or simply demand your phone number so you were never sure if you'd be free of them. I think there's an analogy there, although it's late and I need to work it out better at some point.

Anyway, interesting post, thanks. :o)

I think there's an analogy there
Could well be!

Anyway, interesting post, thanks. :o)
Always a pleasure.

I didn't tick anything for the 'did they get' question as the last person didn't get ignored, I was quite polite as it would have been rude to not say anything at all. But then reading other people's responses reminded me of other occasions when I have ignored people (marriage proposals are particularly scary!)

Yes, reading some of the other responses, I must say that in my experience at least, there has been a racial/cultural issue involved. As a liberal I find it tricky to negotiate this, but the truth is that, in the population of men who have troubled me in this way, men of African and Caribbean origin are disproportionately represented.

It could be that there are simply more men of those cultures who find me attractive, but if I'm totally honest, I don't think that's true. I suspect it's simply more acceptable in those cultures to randomly approach women on the street. My thinking on this is that there are plenty of white/European men who seem to find me attractive, but although some of them do do this (the guy in Blackhorse Rd station tonight, for example, was white English), you'd expect many more of them to do it, proportionately, than actually do if there were no cultural difference in the attitude to this particular behaviour.

I'm quite happy chatting to random people at the bus stop, on the train etc. but chatting them *up* is something else entirely.
I'd never dream of stopping an attractive woman in the street...

Considering my level of awareness, I can't comment on being chatted up - it may (unlikely enough) have happened and t'other person gave up following my lack of comprehension.

Oh yes, as for chatting up - I don't think I've ever (certainly not successfully) chatted anyone up.

I struggle with people chatting me up in the street.

I wouldn't mind if it went:
- Hey, I'm interested
- I'm flattered, but not interested
- Oh, okay, good day

But I find people (has always been men in my experience) are - very often - so bloody persistent and won't take no for an answer. It drives me nuts. Sometimes people freak me out (e.g. following me, grabbing at me (one guy grabbed my rucksack to keep me from walking off after I'd said I was in a hurry), telling me they want to marry someone like me, begging for my number ("I humble myself before you" was one of the phrases he used)).

I like engaging with people and (sometimes) random convo, but aagh!

And I hate when people are so persistent that the only responses left to me are ignoring them (that's the only situation under which I ignore people chatting me up) or being rude to them.

Ho hum

In the past I would sometimes give my number to people so they would leave me alone and then just not pick up when they called; but I don't do that any more.

[Poll] Streetdate

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